Top 5 Tips for Resolving Your Custody Case

The holiday season can be a difficult time, especially for clients in the midst of a custody dispute.

Here, Bulman Dunie partner and chair of our family law and mediation practice groups, Meg Rosan, offers five tips for resolving a custody case.

Tip 1 – Don’t Insist On Trying Your Case Before a Judge Unless It’s Absolutely Necessary

We appreciate all the hard work being done by our judges every day. And they serve an essential function when parties cannot agree. But that doesn’t mean we encourage our clients to threaten their co-parents with litigation. “I’m taking you to Court!” might not be a threat you want to make. First, getting a final order can take as long as a year or more, and in the meantime, the children are in limbo. Second, many judges themselves will tell you they are not best suited to make decisions regarding your children – you are. And taking a case to trial results in your losing complete control over the outcome – instead vesting decision-making power in a judge who knows relatively little about your family and likely hasn’t met your kids. Even when you think you have an open and shut case, you could be sorely mistaken. It is not uncommon for both parents to be disappointed with the outcome after a trial. Let’s clear out the backlog of custody cases using alternative dispute resolution!  Mediation is an important tool that the courts will ultimately require, so consider doing it early and often.

Tip 2 – Focus on Your Kids

It’s easy for bickering parents to focus on what they want – or sometimes what they don’t want the other parent to have. Working with a parenting coach or parenting coordinator to shift the focus to what’s best for your kids can help change the conversation, generate ideas, and ultimately reach agreements in the best interests of your children.

Tip 3 – Focus on the Terms That Are Actually Important

Not every term in a custody agreement will prove indispensable to a future custody arrangement. Custody agreements can fall apart over disputes that do not to be resolved in that custody agreement. Consider that you are not just co-parenting children together for 18 years, but actually for the remainder of your lives. Unforeseen issues are inevitable. So limiting the issues to only those that must be resolved now, and putting in place a protocol for resolving future disputes as they arise, could help you finalize that deal.

Tip 4 – Choose Your Mediator Wisely

As stated above, you are likely to be compelled to take part in court-ordered mediation with a court-assigned mediator even if you’ve opted to litigate. You can short circuit this by agreeing to early mediation with a private mediator you select. Consider mediating with a mental health professional or trained family law mediator. There are many skilled professionals helping families resolve custody disputes every day. This process can take several sessions and can be costly but it is still almost always faster and much less expensive than litigation. And most importantly: YOU, the parents, are the ones with control over the outcome!

Tip 5 – Compromise

Finally, remember that perfection can be the enemy of progress. It’s rare for any parent to get everything they think they want. Sometimes the benefit of having a custody agreement in place – even an imperfect one – outweighs the pitfalls you’re trying to protect against and which are holding up your agreement. Keep in mind that children benefit from stability, so for your kids to hear that their parents have agreed on a schedule may take a huge weight off their shoulders, even if that schedule might not be perfect in one or both parties’ views.

Are you seeking advice about your custody case? Or looking for an experienced family law attorney to mediate your case?  If so, contact Meg Rosan at (301) 656-1177 x317 or mrosan@bulmandunie.com.