As a mediator, I am often asked to help parents negotiate an overall custody agreement, sometimes called a “parenting plan”.
One recurring dispute between parents is a child’s educational needs, including placement and support.
This issue can cause conflict not only at the time of the parents’ initial separation, but can recur through the years, long after a final custody agreement has been signed.
Getting Ahead of the Conflict
Parents would be wise to anticipate when adjustments may be on the horizon for their child’s educational needs.
A variety of circumstances could cause parents to revisit school choice, including but not limited to:
- The child is aging out of their current school (e.g., moving from elementary to middle, or middle to high school);
- The child had a negative experience at their current school (e.g., bullying, suspension/expulsion);
- The child’s current school can no longer accommodate a new diagnosis; or
- One parent has moved, and there are now additional options for school choice by virtue of the move.
If a parent anticipates that a change to a child’s educational needs or setting may be forthcoming and may cause conflict, it is best to consult with an attorney sooner rather than later.
Why Mediation?
Mediation is a confidential process wherein a third-party neutral can assist parents in resolving post-judgment legal custody disputes.
When successful, a mediated agreement on school choice, or, at a minimum, a mediated agreement to a process for school choice, stands a chance of permitting parents to retain joint legal custody and balance in decision-making, which may improve the co-parenting relationship.
Mediation is also a tool that could far more promptly and cost-effectively resolve a dispute, when compared to having a judge resolve the matter through litigation.
An earlier discussion about the benefits of mediating educational disputes can be found here.
Tips for Mediating School Choice
Here are some tips to increase the likelihood of a successful mediation:
- Focus on the child’s needs rather than the parent’s. There can often be overlap here between a child’s needs and a parent’s goals. But the focus should always be on what’s best for the child, rather than what the parent thinks he/she wants.
- Work to identify shared objectives and goals. When considering educational placement, what factors are most important to each parent? Teacher retention rates? Teacher-student ratio? Specialized extracurricular offerings? Proximity to both parents’ homes? Cost considerations? Consider ranking your criteria. For example, can parents agree that while commute time is important, the quality of education is more crucial? Your mediator can then assist in identifying which option is objectively superior.
- Consider engaging an expert. Work with your mediator to agree upon an educational consultant whom you jointly engage (and pay) to prepare a report comparing the various school options.
- Give yourselves TIME. As stated previously, many educational disputes are foreseeable months in advance. We know when our child is going to graduate from middle school, and a decision is going to need to be made about high school. We know when the private school application deadline will be. We also know that we can’t afford to wait a year for a Court hearing and then months for a ruling. Start communicating on this topic early and often to avoid last-minute conflict. Whenever I mediate this issue, I urge parents to set deadlines by which they will agree to sit down and begin a discussion of the next school year, or the next child’s transition to a different school.
Of those disputes that arise in co-parenting relationships, educational disputes can most often recur. Getting ahead of the conflict and finding common ground through mediation benefits children and minimizes both cost and acrimony.
How can we help you resolve your contested educational dispute? Contact Meg Rosan, chair of the Family Law Practice at Bulman Dunie, and recognized as a top family law attorney and top mediator by Bethesda Magazine.
